By that I mean, fed up.
We mothers are more lonely, more anxious, more redundant than ever before.
Most women I know are Perfectionists. Intelligence tends to breed that in women. (Possibly men too, but I’m here for the girls.)
But now they call it Controlling. ‘I’m so controlling!!!!’ Its the new shame. You are controlling because you have to be in control. House, marriage, children, job, weight, wrinkles, the Social Load of your kids, friends, your Corian worktop, a form-over-function bra for Date Night.
I feel we were ‘given’ the vote and a right to education but now we must succeed at work, have lovely, well-dressed babies, breastfeed beautifully, have gorgeous houses, lose the baby weight, ‘juggle’ (I don’t like that word, like we are clowns at a fair. Let’s call it ‘ridiculously stretched.’ OK, not catchy.)
How does she do it? She does it by putting herself bottom of the pile. By not complaining. By having a Royal Baby and being made to stand on a step in (what I assume were) massive bandage pants. Our Catherine shouts for mental health then tells women its OK to get a blow out and wave at helicoptering paparazzi 2 hours later. Maybe she couldn’t say no, but in reality it would have raised awareness of more than just her Isabel Marant dress if she had.
Who isn’t anxious? How many of us live near Auntie Babs who could give us a cup of tea and tell us its OK? Not many. The NCT may be a saviour for friends but it’s no relation when the shxt literally hits the fan.
I am absolutely not qualified to talk about PND. But I do feel that so many women have it and plough on through. I had sepsis in labour. I wanted to breastfeed but there my first baby was, full of antibiotics with a lumbar puncture and Strep Milleri, a killer. I couldn’t. I was broken. I think I stayed broken for quite some time. But on I wandered. I had a fabulous family, husband, friends and it was HARD…..so how does it work if you don’t have all that?
Then you find you can’t get back to work because you dared to use your womb and we are somehow in the 1950s. And then you’re networking. I talk to lots of women about this. I love meeting people. But so many people don’t. Starting a business once meant you had to be good at your chosen thang, now thanks to Social Media, proficiency has been taken over by likeability. I have met some truly wondrous humans recently, but sometimes networking felt like I was in some low-rent sorority.
Even imperfection on Instagram has to be a work of comedic, witty genius.
I want MotherSister to show what women achieve. To take the pressure off new businesses founded by women. To shine a big light on how the world needs to catch up and take the gawd-awful pressure off our heads. And as I say merrily to my children in my best falsetto Cinderella voice: ‘Kindness is King’.
Let’s start by being gentle – especially on ourselves. Then we can get to work on changing the record.